Beginning at the Beginning… Again.

To: Sensei Randy Fields, Sensei Lonnie Burkhead, Mr. David Reed, Mr. Chris Rose, the students of the Black Dragons, and any other person that is looking to find a way to begin again.

Date: August 18, 2022

Re: Why I do Martial Arts

I know that I have not been asked to write a paper, so this comes to you out of my own initiative. 

It has been a little more than two years that I have been missing from class, and I understand that my absence has not benefited other students that have worked hard. I also understand that I have missed specific opportunities to train – especially in what I think is my natural animal – dragon. For that, I’m sorry. My absence was to first focus on my children who are soon going to both be out of my house. However, I ended up staying away out of caution for covid, I had to focus on helping the people I was responsible to “survive” the pandemic, and because I was hurt and had to go through some prolonged physical therapy for my shoulder. Finally, I stayed away because I wanted to think through this question: Why am I doing Martial Arts?

With that said, I think I have grown a tremendous amount during the last two years. 

Sometimes farmers will stop farming on a piece of land for a period - sometimes a year or two - to let it lie fallow and let the soil heal, grow, and get ready for the next crop to be planted. When this is done and there is patience as the farmer waits for the earth to heal itself, the growth of the crops, once they are planted after the fallow time, is exponential. All that was needed was some time off and a little bit of waiting. That is where I am.

I have been able to think about who I am and more importantly, why I do martial arts. When I was a beginning student, I did it for several reasons that every new student gives: self-defense, a sense of duty, to be in shape, because we loved Bruce Lee movies, and "because it just cool." It has now become a part of my life. While I was not in class, I have been "practicing" it on a regular basis. 

Kung fu means “hard work.” And I have been doing hard work on myself. 

Martial arts is about knowing yourself, who you are and what you are about so, I no longer do martial arts for those reasons stated above. As I have grown professionally, personally, as a pastor, father, husband, community leader, theologian, professor, and friend - as I have grown as a man - I have come to realize that I am a proponent of nonviolence and maybe even lean towards pacifism. 

Sung Fu is the “Art of Victory” so it can seem to be violent at its core. This has been a constant struggle for me to blend the love I have for our art with a deep need to speak out against violence and embody nonviolence. My own personal philosophy is that violence unmakes the world, but love unmakes violence. The world is much more violent than it has ever been, and I for one want to be a proponent of peace. My love for martial arts and my commitment to nonviolence has seemed to conflict with one another. 

However, I have come to realize that martial arts comes from Buddhists, who, I am learning, call for peace, forgiveness, harmony; in other words, bushido ... Jewish people call this: Shalom. Christians call this wholeness or holiness. I've learned that I want to have a deeper sense of that: peace with myself, peace with my neighbor, harmony with myself, harmony with my neighbor, my loved ones, my enemies, the earth, and life itself. That is the true art of victory.

Recently, I was re-reading Zen And the Martial Arts and I appreciated once again Joe Hyams introduction of the circle. He spoke of his best moment as a martial arts practitioner came when he was threatened by a man but ended up NOT fighting. In his book he recounted the story and said there is no threat if someone is standing outside your circle, and if someone does step in your circle, you have the ability to change your circle. That is Sung Fu to me - true victory - so practicing martial arts means being in pursuit of bushido. In the movie The Last Samurai, Katsumoto looked at the tree as the leaves were falling and said, "perfect." To be a samurai is to serve and he recognized that life is a gift, and the tree served as an example of harmony, peace, and beauty. This is what I want my martial arts training to lead to, regardless of what role I play in life.

All of this has gotten me thinking that each person has a reason why they do martials arts - mine: because I believe that victory comes through peace & harmony, and because that is what I want to pursue: bushido, Shalom. The more I study the art, the more at peace I can become because I've realized that at the heart of peace, movement, self-defense… at the heart of bushido… is gratitude.

The Buddhists, as do Jews, Christians, and Muslims, believe that all of life is a gift and the wisdom of a person comes in counting life – the goods and the bads – as a gift. I am thankful for this gift of life. What is learned in the dojo is a metaphor for life: the successes, and maybe more important, the failures show me that I am, indeed, alive. And I am thankful for that.

So, I do martial arts because I am grateful.

I am grateful to be a friend to Sensei Randy Fields, Sensei Lonnie Burkhead, Mr. David Reed, Chris Rose, and the many others, including these new students.

I am grateful that I can move; that I have physical abilities when so many do not.

I am grateful for a healthy heart, and body, and shoulders, and lungs.

I am grateful for medicine, and healing, and a divine work in my life.

I am grateful for Holly (the best person I know) and for the life we’ve built together and even the struggles we’ve had; and I am grateful for my children Annabelle and Watson.

I am grateful for my upbringing and my education and my faith.

And so much more.

I am grateful that when I step in the dojo, time goes away as does the violence of the outside world. All that is in the dojo is replaced with new knowledge and different ways to combat that violence once we step into the world.

I am grateful that I keep my body and mind and spirit healthy for Holly and the kids.

I am grateful that although I am older, I am still in a place where my cup can be emptied and filled again with new things.

I am grateful that each time I come to class, I am not a person who has it all together but, is a person that gets to hold the wisdom that he has discovered in tension with the fact that he doesn't really know anything at all.

And, I am grateful I am a beginner in this thing called being a friend, a husband, a teacher, pastor, theologian, father, son, and neighbor. I’ve learned so much. However, I have so much to learn.

I am coming back to class, if you'll have me, to relearn what I have already learned, and to learn lessons that have not yet been able to work into my brain and heart. I am coming back wearing a belt that is brown when, in reality, it is white. And I am coming back because I don't want to quit what I have started: this endeavor towards wisdom and enlightenment. My goal is to become a black belt in the dojo. But more important to become a black belt in life.

As I come back, I come as a servant. That is the samurai way. Put me where you want. Tell me what you want me to do. I’ll stand in the back to earn my place again if that is what is required. Regardless, I am an empty cup so that I might be able to pass my white belt test once again.